The conversation you meant to have with your Lola

You understand more Tagalog than you can speak. Enough to follow a telling-off, the names of the dishes, the call to come and eat. Not enough to ask your grandmother what her own mother was like, or why the family left the province, or what she wanted to be when she was twenty. She has some English, but her stories don't live there. So the long conversation has sat for years on the list of things you'll do one day.

This isn't a report about one family. It's a picture of how that conversation can go when you put one phone on the table between you and let it interpret, so you can judge whether it might suit yours.

Before you sit down with her

Pick a time with no clock on it: a slow afternoon after lunch, not the ten minutes before someone needs a lift to the shops. Open Nualingo in your phone's browser, choose English and Tagalog, and spend the three free minutes trying it on your own first. The screen shouldn't be new to you when it matters.

Then set the pace to Patient. Pace is how long Nualingo waits after someone stops talking before it translates. Quick suits a brisk back-and-forth, but it may cut in while someone stops to think, and your Lola will stop to think. She'll search for a name, start a sentence again, go still while a memory comes back. Patient waits longer before translating, so fewer of her sentences get cut in half. The cost is a little more waiting after each turn. In this conversation that's hardly a cost.

Ask her first, and decide about saving

Saving is off by default. Nothing is kept unless you switch it on before the conversation starts, and that needs an account, because a trial conversation isn't saved. If the family would like to read her stories again, or send them to cousins abroad, now is the time to decide. Only the text is kept, never audio, and you can delete it later.

Whatever you choose, ask her before you begin. Explain in whatever mix of languages you share that the phone will listen to both of you, show her words in English and yours in Tagalog, and read each translation aloud in an AI voice. If you plan to keep the conversation, tell her that too, and ask whether she minds. Some grandmothers will love the idea of their stories written down. Some will talk more freely knowing nothing is kept. Either answer is fine.

When you press Start listening, a short notice appears in both languages saying that an AI voice is interpreting and whether the conversation is being kept. Let her read her half. It helps that she hears it from the screen, in Tagalog, and not only from you.

How the afternoon can go

Lay the phone flat between you with the speaker on. If you're sitting across a table from her, the far half of the screen can be turned to face her, so she reads her captions the right way up.

Start small. "What was your house like when you were a girl?" Then pause. Your question appears in Tagalog and a calm voice reads it to her. She answers in Tagalog, and her words appear in English on your side. Nobody presses a button to take a turn; the phone works out which language is being spoken.

After that, let it run. The open questions about places and people are the ones that open things up: who lived next door, what she cooked for fiestas, how she met your grandfather, what she remembers of her own grandmother. The follow-ups are where the stories come out. "And then what happened?" works in any language.

• One person at a time. The phone follows whoever is speaking, so talking over her muddles both sides.
• Names, places and family terms are where it slips most. If a town or a nickname comes out wrong, type the correction and it is spoken for her.
• Let the silences sit. On Patient, a long pause won't hurry her along.
• If the voice bothers her, switch it off and read the captions instead. Time with captions only counts at half.

What the phone won't do

It's an interpreter for everyday talk, and it can make mistakes. A joke may come through flat. An old word for something nobody uses any more may not translate at all. When a line looks odd, ask her to say it another way, or ask what the word means. Those small detours often turn into stories of their own.

It isn't for her health, either. If the talk drifts to her medicines, a diagnosis or what the doctor said, don't rely on the phone for anything you'd act on. For medical, legal or official matters, use a professional interpreter.

Afterwards

Press Stop when you've both had enough. If you chose to keep the conversation, it sits on your account's history page as text, where you can read it or delete it. Read it back a few days later and you'll spot the questions you forgot to ask, which is as good a reason as any to sit down with her again.

If you'd like to know how it feels before that afternoon, try the three free minutes on your own phone today.

Nualingo can make mistakes. For medical, legal or official matters, use a professional interpreter.